Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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