Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My ass is underappreciated
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize