i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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