Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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