I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
