I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
