I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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