I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
