There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
