I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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