i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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