you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
