My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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