just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
