I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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