And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize