i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
