i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
