Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
