Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
