do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You need Xanax blowdarts
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize