I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
