i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
