white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
