Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
