He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
