not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize