you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
