I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I will be naked everywhere
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
