scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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