Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
