I hope mine doesn't look like that
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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