Pregnant stripper...not hot.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
