I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
