whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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