I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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