Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
