Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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