And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
