I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You ruined the universe
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
