just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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