Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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