Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
