I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
