Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
