Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
