If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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