its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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