it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm at about main and main street
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
