hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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