You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize