so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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