A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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