does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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