The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
