cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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