need another drink. this is the easiest way
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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