How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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