would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
