You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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