Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
