I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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