I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
