I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So much rum. So many feels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
