he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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