Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
