Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
