i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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