so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
