So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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