So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
