On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
