Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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