Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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