dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The Olympian is in my bed
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