I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
