when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize