No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
