I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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