took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
