i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
