she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
