Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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