im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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