I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
