ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
