This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
