Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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