went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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