I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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