You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dignity is for republicans.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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