I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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