theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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