where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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