cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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