So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
