I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
