I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
