I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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