Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
smell my finger.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
